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312 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 21, 2020
I raise the coffee mug to sniff it. “What is this?”
“A steaming hot cup of the tears of your former assistants.”
“That’s funny, because it smells like pumpkin spice.”
“That’s hilarious, because it’s a pumpkin spice latte.”
“That’s interesting because I only drink black coffee and espresso. You know that.”
“I thought maybe the pumpkin spice would put you in the holiday spirit.”
“Fuck holiday spirit. Fuck pumpkin spice.”
“Maybe you should. It would probably put you in a better mood…”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Are you trying to get yourself fired, Cooper?”
“Yes, but I’m not expecting a Christmas miracle.”
🥢kinda sunshine grumpy
🥢the girl’s in control over this relationship yay
🥢pining for two months
🥢mouthy sassy heroine (bossgirl), and
🥢whipped hero yoohooo
🥢banter (assistant & boss)
🥢hilarious scenes
🥢fake relationship
“Sheeeww. Your boss’s butt is perfect!”
“Piper! Shhh!”
“It is! Have you looked at it?”
“No. He’s my boss. Come on, Fifth Avenue is this way.”
“You should check it out. It’s perfect.”
“I doubt it. Should we go to H&M first?”
“You’re right. It’s too flat.”
“It’s not flat!”
“Aha! You have looked at it!”
“Only when it was unavoidable. Stop talking about my boss’s butt.”
“But it’s the best one I’ve ever seen IRL.”
“Don’t say IRL. Say in real life when you’re not texting.”
“WTF are you so grumpy and bossy RN? He’s a hottie with a body. He must do squats all day long.”
“Oh my God—why don’t you watch a Shawn Mendes video on your phone or something to wipe my boss from your memory.”
“Shawn Mendes seems so young to me now. I want to look at grown-man abs. Have you seen Declan with his shirt off? I bet he has abs.”
“Everyone has abs.”
“I want to see Declan’s abs.”
“Stop calling him Declan.”
“But he told me to.”
“We don’t all have to do what he tells us to do. At least I’m paid to do it. And even then, I don’t do everything he tells me to do—because he’s not right about everything.”
“You seem to care an awful lot about him.”
“No I don’t.”
“I would do literally anything he told me to do. I would lick him like a candy cane.”
“Piper.”
“Just sayin’.”
“Oh whatevah, mistah,” she says.
And now I’m more than a little stiff.
“Keep talking like that.”
“Like this? You like it when I tawk about how I spend eight dollahs on a cup of cawffee? You like that?”
“Yeah, baby, I like it a lot.”
“Oh my gawd.” She stops to look me in the face, very serious. “Are you really turned-on right now?”
“My cawk is hawd as a fuckin’ teenage rawk right now.”
“Me too. I mean I’m really turned-on right now too.”
and this scene when they were making out but they were so full after dinner so they ended up just laying down instead like an old couple :
“I’ve been thinking about these tits all night,” he mumbles.
My back is flat against one side of the elevator and my arms are just hanging lifelessly, even though I really want to run my fingers through Declan’s hair and squeeze his butt, and I want to rip his clothes off and lick his abs and kiss him all over, except I can’t lift my hands.
“Mmph” is all I’m able to respond with, and I think that sums it all up.
“This elevator moves too fast,” he grumbles.
“Ugh. Yeah.”
“I’m going to do bad, bad, dirty bad things to you when we get to my room.”
“Mmkay.”
“What’re you gonna do to me?”
“Mmm. Gonna lie down on you.”
“Yeah?”
“And not move for a while.”
“Mmmmm.”
“And close my eyes.”
“Yessss.”
“Tell me about the tattoo on your arm,” I whisper. “It’s a swallow?”
“Yeah.”
“When’d you get it?”
“College. It was Hannah’s idea.” He moves his arm so I can see the flying bird on the inside of his bicep. “She got one on the back of her neck. So when I put my arm around her shoulder, they were touching. They’d match up.”
this was more of a 3.5 , but then i remembered how this was also the funniest shit i've read in a while, and i stayed up late to read the first 50%, which have not happen in a while