Craigslist, Washington, D.C.
Funky orange cap
I saw you walking from the speech to the Capitol. You were wearing a tactical vest and funky little orange cap. You were screaming something about being a patriot. Our eyes met, and we spoke briefly and realized we were both interested in travel and in scary movies. You were really out of breath. I helped you get a Marlboro wrapper out of your beard. You mentioned multiple times that you like feet and wanted me to know that you rank feet above even travel and scary movies. Wish I’d asked for your number to chat more.
Cuter Bo Burnham
You looked like Bo Burnham but cuter and with more of a beard. You were wearing a Colonial-guy uniform and climbing onto a statue of Gerald Ford when our eyes met. I asked if I could climb onto the statue with you and you said no. That made me smile. We talked/shouted a little. You mentioned that you owned two chameleons and that you were in the market for a third. I said I’d keep an ear out. Would love 2 get coffee☺
Art lover
You were trying to pry a painting off the wall using a shard of glass. You had a beard. I’d been separated from my husband in the crowd and ended up shouting with you a little bit. You yelled “Best of all time” in my face. I think I said, “O.K., sounds good,” but it may have been lost in the noise. I had on khaki pants. Want to talk more or have coffee?
Mystery man with tucked-in shirt
You were wearing a blue shirt that was intensely tucked into your jeans. Our eyes locked while you were setting up a gallows. Don’t know if u remember me. I’m shy AF and was wearing a gas mask with a steamed-up visor, so maybe you didn’t even notice the eye contact, LOL. If you felt what I felt, hit my mailbox ASAP. I’m dying literally I’m sick LOL real.
Military man looking for bathroom
You were an older guy, sixties. I’m in my fifties. You were cute and wearing a vaguely military uniform and holding a huge flag, but I could tell you were not really in the military and never had been. Granted, I’m just a Bulgarian cleaning woman, but I can tell when someone is really in the military or knows what it’s like to have been in the military. Any military. Like, even the worst one ever wouldn’t have its uniform look like that. Anyway, we made eye contact and you screamed in my face that you needed to find a bathroom or I’d be working overtime mopping the Capitol floor, and I pointed you toward the men’s room. But then you hesitated like you were going to say something else—I want to know what you were going to say. I think I thought it, too.
Cute aide
You were crawling over me on the floor of the gallery when our eyes met. You were wearing a cute blue suit and an employee badge. We bonded about both wanting to get out of there. You also mentioned liking the band Arcade Fire. I didn’t say anything, which you took to mean that I didn’t like Arcade Fire, but really I’d been distracted by the sound of glass shattering. You then spoke at length about how you don’t like Arcade Fire that much. Actually, I like Arcade Fire fine. Would like to get coffee. I’m a senator.
Smile or strain
You were the only girl I saw all day. I was told that this would be a place to meet ladies, but that was certainly not the case, ha. You were wearing two camouflage jackets. One on top of the other, ha. We made eye contact while you were taking a dump in the rotunda. Couldn’t tell if you were smiling or straining, but I hope smiling! ’Cause I thought you were cute. Let me know which it was. Would like to go for coffee if was smiling. ♦
